Nativity is just around the corner. I cannot believe it is almost here. It seems like it has been forever in coming. At the same time the last month has just flown by. In the busyness of everything I have been trying to take time to reflect on just what is happening.
For some time now I have really been meditating on the incarnation. A deep reality has set in that honestly words fail. Words can only describe this great mystery. The iconography of the Theotokos has been a big part of this unfolding. The reality of God in flesh is so beautiful . Not only did God embrace humanity it was elevated. We are of one flesh. one spirit, and through faith and the sacraments one nature.
The Nativity of our Lord takes up real time. It is a real event that really happened. The birth of Jesus to his and our blessed mother Mary. This was a timeless event. Not just a map pin on the timeline of history. What happened in the natural is equally timely and yet timeless. The reality of God coming to humanity has always been. His mercy and grace fill all time. We can see this in sacred scripture.
The Nativity of our Lord takes up future time. I am reminded of the words from the Eucharistic cannon “Christ has died Christ has risen Christ will come again”. Yes Christ will come again. Like the 10 virgins waiting for the bridegroom. Nativity is a reminder that Christ will come again. It is in the Nativity we wait, hope, and prepare. So I will say it again Christ will come again!
The Nativity of our Lord takes up present time. We know not time when Jesus returns. We heard these words from his mouth. St. Paul also believed Christ would return during his lifetime. Most of the Early saints did. Throughout history people have thought the return of Christ was imminent. Rightfully we all need to live as if Christ could return at any time. The reality is that we will most likely be reunited with Christ through our natural death.
We are called to pray, fast, and give alms. We are to live like every moment counts. We are to live like there is no tomorrow. The truth is we do not know what tomorrow will bring. We are to rest and take comfort in the promises left to us by our Lord. Have faith dear ones. Keep up the good fight of faith. Enjoy the Nativity liturgies. Mostly try to be present in the moment. Be it at church or at home.
It has been cold here. The whole city is covered under a thick blanket of ice. For many the ice and cold is a nightmare. For me I see it as therapy. Much needed at that. I love this weather. I find the cold calming. I long for the brutal cold wind of the North. I long to hear it whip around my house. The rattle of the windows. The sting on my face as I work outside. The cold and ice is gone now. Still in my heart it remains
The Nativity of our Lord is just around the corner. I am looking forward to it, and dreading it at the same time. Physically I am not ready. My house is not prepared. Emotionally I am all over the place. Spiritually I am anxious. I guess this is a good way to be.
I once was the one with answers. I was the one people went to for direction. A pillar in the church. Now I am none of these things. Just a shadow. A phantom of my past. I hope Nativity will bring a new beginning. The start of something beautiful. At the same time I am ok if this is as good as it gets.
I am no longer the hopeless optimist. I am not a pessimist either. Whatever is will be. I am not looking for some sort of false reality. Or living on hope of something better. I am trying to live in the present. To accept it and grow in it.
Lord have mercy on me. I came into this new place in life very arrogant. I didn’t see it at the time. Who am I? What exactly did I expect? I don’t know if I have any answer. What I do know is that I am so done. I am over worrying about what family might think of me. I am over preconceived ideas of who I am suppose to be. I just want to live. Truly live.
I have been out of pocket for some time. Sickness and vacation have kept me away from my blog and from the church I have been visiting.
This Sunday we will be celebrating Theophany. I have experienced many Epiphany Mass’s as an Anglican, but this will be the first Theophany I have celebrated.
I look forward to the new experience. I also am really looking forward to getting back to church. I feel as if the life has been drained from my being. The past few weeks have been wonderful. Visiting family and celebrating Christmas. The vacation was much needed rest for my weary body.
I also have felt a sense of loss like I did when we first left our Episcopal Parish. I must say I miss Christmas Mass. I miss serving these services. I miss the casual talk and laughter in the sacristy. This transition has been harder then I expected. My family still does not feel as if we have found our place.
I keep telling myself all we need to do is stay faithful, and keep moving forward. God is with us!
So I am excited for new experiences. I am sure I will have plenty to share sometime next week. Monday we will be visiting a Russian Orthodox Church to celibate the Nativity. A bit odd to do things backwards. I guess it is the price one pays with a church that has 2 calendars.